Who am I?

"nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita" __reflections on Divine Comedy (I)

In the middle of the journey of my life, I am in the middle of my midlife crisis, where the straight way is over and I found myself in the dark forest, trying to find an objective—the hope of living. I need to find a way to climb to the top of the mountain to see the sunshine, no matter how hard it is, or I will die in the forest.

Who am I? I am a animal first, a biological product like billions of others lingering on the Earth. I live on food, water, sleep, and work to survive in the modern industrial world. I consumed lots of energy from eating plants and animals, yet I found not greedy or guilty in my soul. If I am a substitute animal, I might be the one who eats grasses, and is fast enough to escape the predators. I enjoy the cozy state and have no ambition to conquer or trap the predators to become the dominant one.

Who am I? I am a human second, who is cultured and knows things, trying to behave to the normal of the human society. I have been through a long term education, many many years of training, on medicine and science. I was made to be a doctor or scientist to help other peoples. Yet, in the middle of my journey, I failed the training and was thrown out of the factory, lost in the dark forest, chewing the fate of being eaten or escaping the trap.

Who am I? As a person, I am not different from a sheep, or a flower, or a drop of water; as a member of human society, I have obligations and responsibilities to my parents, siblings, wife, teachers, friends, society...So If I gave up my responsibilities, sins will filled me soon. If I kept my responsibilities, burdens will eat me up slowly. What is the meaning of life if I desire to live on till my old age? It is a mystery that has no answer for human to understand.